As I embarked on this trip to Herrnut, Germany, I honestly went needing a touch from the Lord for myself. The trauma all my family and I have carried over the last 8+ years has taken a toll on me. I used to do extensive international travel – at times as much or even more among the nations as within the continental U. S. In fact, the name of our ministry used to be “Ministry To The Nations” – and that is what we did. Years ago the Lord gave me a calling out of the life of John Wesley and told me, “The world is my parish.” It has been such an honor to represent our Bridegroom, Lover and King in the nations of the earth and to be your prophetic intercessory missionary. Awesome!
Health issues and other circumstances then took their toll and I virtually had to drop the international traveling side of the ministry. While I am cancer free today, I am still recovering from the affects of all the various treatments. I have been through the emotional wear and tear of the loss of my dear wife. But then God…. Some how – some way – He still holds the strings of my heart and He still is the passion of my life.
I went on this trip to my beloved Prague and Herrnhut knowing I needed a touch from God and felt rather inadequate in myself to be any type of international ambassador of intercession, the prophetic movement and apostolic understanding in our day. To be honest, during the past couple of years, it took all the faith and will power I had to get up out of bed – let alone lead an international ministry.
But then God….
I remember so well when God’s abiding presence once again invaded the bedroom in our home in Franklin, TN. I was lying there next to Michal Ann. She had already endured so much and I was definitely not focused on my next calling or commissioning in the Holy Ghost. We were just trying to survive. In that climate of utter weakness, the Holy One invaded our room once again as He had done so many times over the years. His thundering external voice awakened me out of sleep when I heard Him say, “I have commissioned you to restore and release the Moravian Lampstand.”
I knew what that familiar voice was talking about. After all, we had already had extreme encounters with God in Herrnhut, Germany in the early 90’s – long before the term “watch of the Lord” was popular and the all night prayer vigils and 24/7/365 prayer centers were springing up across the face of the earth. But that is the life of a forerunner – isn’t it? Someone crosses over into new territory and breaks the way open so that others may come into that same new room also. The life of a prophet and an intercessor is always more about the what you live than just the words you share in your giftedness – at least this has been my paradoxical experience. You have the horrible privilege of “becoming a word” – not just giving one. You become a sign and a wonder that other people observe – much like a weather vane when the winds are blowing. You point the direction God is headed!
Casting a Shadow
If you walk in the light you are supposed to cast a shadow. That is how it happens right? As many of you know, the Holy Spirit in certain times and seasons sings songs to me. In my case, they are not normally the typical worship songs we have all learned to love so well. For me, they tend to be secular tunes infused with meaning and it seems He especially talks to me through Beatles’ lyrics. But in the past couple of years I have heard the song, “Me and My Shadow” over and over… I find myself singing it, acting it out and then I began to ponder it… Am I casting a shadow? Are other people really watching me? Are other people being touched by the “light of darkness” I am walking through?
That was an odd statement… Are other people being touched by the “light of darkness” I am walking through? People are impacted not just by flashes of great light – the great God encounters – but they carefully observe the storms you walk through. They are impacted by endurance. This I know very well – I have not done any great thing the past few years – I have just kept on walking… I keep my face poised towards the Son of God and every now and then I take a glance and an authentic shadow is being cast. I have come to realize that some of my writings – my scores of books – have actually paid off – and I am not referring to monetary rewards. I am referring to the impact upon people’s lives. Some of you have actually read some of these books and they have found them to be an inspiration to you. For that I am thankful. It almost makes the hell I have lived through worthwhile. Almost….
I realized when I went to Herrnhut this time that occasionally I have cast a shadow of the reflection of Jesus Christ. Much of it has been through the experiences captured in my many books. The Lost Art of Intercession, The Lost Art of Practicing His Presence, Prayer Storm, The Seer, The Prophetic Intercessor and others have given a measure of life or even just provided language to people. In fact, they have helped to carve a course that others are daring to walk in. That’s kind of cool. But then the cost of a forerunner (sounds like another book title to me!) is intense and rather lonely at times. I weigh this out by the fiery exclamations of our dear prophetess Jill Austin that so gripped my soul – “Do you want more of the Holy Spirit? Can you carry more fire? Does your life cast a shadow?” Wow Jill! You really messed with my life and theology! She casts a shadow on me and my house yet to this day even though today she plays volleyball with fireballs in heaven with my dear Michal Ann (from a dream I saw after the two of them had been united on the other side.) By the way, I still really miss my two girls! They were the bomb!
Living in the Present Tense
One of the hardest and biggest lessons I am learning in this ever so strange season of my life is living in the “now”. Yikes! I wish I could tell you how – but I am still like a worm changing into something new while caught in the midst of my own metamorphosis. But this is one of my new life parables. It is my hardest challenge to date – living in the “now”. In fact, I am convinced that most people live in the past or the future and few really live in the “now” moment of the present tense. This is my “now”… Are you living in and enjoying your “now”? Wow – now that is simply profound!
While in Korea in last November, the Holy Spirit spoke a phrase to me that has marred me: “Yesterday’s dream about your tomorrow is your today’s opportunity for destiny.” I have been chewing like a cow on that one ever since and I have an idea I might chewing for a long time! But this I know – I want to live in the “now”. Faith is “now” made up of the things hoped for. Regrets tie us to the past. Revelation flings us into tomorrow. But oh for the person that can learn from the past, take a peek into tomorrow and bring it into your today!
Michal Ann knew these things. I observed them. Now with her on the other side, I am left reflecting on her shadow – puzzled and trying to make sense of the peculiarity of her simple life. She lived so much that I did not grasp. Bob Jones was taken before the Lord years ago and was simply asked, “Did you learn to love?” Maybe Annie and Jill did and so they have escaped this world and its tribulations. They lived in the “now”. I am learning.
Back to Herrnhut
So less than one week ago, I was standing in my “now” in the Upper Room of the new Jesus Haus in fabled Herrnhut, Germany where the fire used to burn brightly on the altar of God’s heart amongst the Moravian persecuted believers. We did not have thousands there for our expression of the Global Day of Prayer. My picture and voice were not being projected around the world. I was not seen on God TV or anyone’s internet screen for that matter. I was there with a few U. S. and European friends, some hungry YWAMer’s, some unusual Ana-Baptists and some spirit-filled modern day Moravians. 120 in the Upper Room on the Day of Pentecost! Oh someone else showed up… The most important Person was present – the God of today was with us – Holy Spirit Himself.
There had been 7 days of round-the-clock worship and prayer and then a two day Convergence conference. It all was delightful and well organized. Thank God for others (Jon, Jolene, Paul, Jason and the Jesus Haus leadership)! I got to show up and mop up – they did the real work. I just was. I walked through the streets; I prayed in the watchtower overlooking God’s Acre, I spoke at the conference; I pondered why I was there. I had the strange sense a reset button just might get pushed in my heart.
Then at the close of our expression of the Global Day of Prayer – one of the reasons I am still here on this planet happened. A word burst into my heart and echoed out of the shaking larynx of my vocal cords. In fervency and apostolic fire I declared, “The Moravian Lampstand has been relit!” I honored the past, I reached into my unfilled dreams from yesterday concerning the future hope of our tomorrow, and stood in the present tense knowing “Hello – I am back”! One the reasons I was created had just become a “now” already etched into the annals of yesterday – so people could read it and dream about their tomorrows.
I drove back to Prague, visited with old friends, and dreamed the Lord’s dreams that are yet to take place. I boarded another plane and came crashing home into an empty bedroom filled with the extraordinary dreams of yesterday, and maybe – just maybe – there are yet more of yesterday’s tomorrows about to become my today.
Odd story you say. But this is my “now”!
Leaning on the Chest of My Beloved!
James W. Goll